Tuesday, December 14, 2010

It's 2 a.m. and I'm Thinking About You

Precious baby boy True...Right now I'm thinking about your mama, my sister, and how your smile looks so much like hers. I'm thinking about your eyes and how they shine and I wonder if they will be the prettiest green; like hers. I'm thinking about how your tiny breath would feel on my neck as I rock you to sleep and sing to you the song of pretty horses...the same one I sang to her in the night. Night after night to soothe her in the darkness.
I'm thinking about how the tiny bubbles in your bottle as you drink must sound almost the same as hers did, while she lay next to me more than 30 years ago...it seems like it was just yesterday. (it's a dumb old cliche, I know, but I don't know how else to say it.)
I hold a lot of your mama's memories, you know, and someday I hope to hold some of yours too....and I promise I'll keep them safe, like hers. And I'll bring them out later when you have a birthday or need reminding or maybe you need to remember where you came from if you get lost along the way. So many times, your mama has found me when I was lost along the way. She is such a remarkable person and you; well you are a very very lucky boy.
I think of you every day and I am so grateful to see your smile, even if it is just a photograph. When I see your little face on the screen my breath catches in my throat. I hold you  in my heart and in my thoughts always. Since you've been born, life seems lighter somehow. Greener. The hard things seem a lot less important.
Sweet child, you are a lantern in the darkness. You are hope. You are healing.
You are True.