Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts

Monday, March 12, 2018

Pushing the Piano Home

I came across a small, chapel sized upright piano on its side last Monday in someones yard two hours before you had to leave to teach.
It was fate, i said. Something told me i needed to go out.
Snow and rain was coming.
It had to be now,
I said.
And without hesitation, you put on your coat and shoes and we walked hastily down the weathered sidewalk to save it from sure death at the hands of the hangings-on of winter rains and snow...
Somehow we moved it from where it stood tipped on its end by the owners front door and to the street by working together and walking it gently side to side to side.
Once we get it to the street i said,
Its all pretty much down hill from here....
And we looked toward home together. Surveying the potholes, dips and little inclines...
Bright yellow water tower marking our home like a giant pin on the grand map of our lives together.
We began to push.
A bit like guiding a renegade canoe i said, right?
A bit even like giving birth, it is.
We took turns being the steerer and the pusher, working together...stopping to rest when the other could go no longer.
Leaning on the piano for support.
Leaning on eachother.
Just think of how the children will love this, we said to one another, heavy breathing, laughing at the spectacle we must be with us and the loud rumbling of the piano going down the street.
We made it home.
And a weary high five went up.
We pushed that piano almost five blocks together. Didn't we dear?
What a story to pass along, right love?
A lesson in marriage, i said.
Right, you said between heavy breaths. We were winded and cold from the morning air, but excited...how often does an opportunity like this come along? We said.
A free piano.
I used to take lessons, you know. And you knew because I've only told you a million times over the last 10 years.
But you listened nonetheless, like it was the first time you ever heard it.
We lost a leg off the front of it in the last hundred yards or so. The vibration and rumbling was too much for that poor thing.
Nothing that can't be fixed, you said.
Nothing that can't be fixed.
Then i covered our prize with plastic and quilts and after you left for class the rain finally came.
I thought for certain our hard work was in vain.
And then i thought to myself, it was all about the journey together.
And even if our treasure got ruined outside in the elements, we would still have the memory.
Or perhaps we made someone watching from their window chuckle...or we gave someone a little hope...or a moment to simply forget for awhile and watch that crazy couple out there in the cold,
Pushing a piano home.

Sunday, February 09, 2014

My Grace

Jessica Seivane said this to a friend of mine on Facebook when she needed encouragement today...Thank you Jessica. Though I don't know you at all, you softened my heart today. I truly needed to be reminded of this verse and wanted to share it.

Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Amen.

That is why, with careful consideration, I chose to get this, my only tattoo awhile ago...done in my mother's handwriting (which is very precious to me), and placed on the inside of my left wrist...as a reminder of God's grace at work in my life.
Always there.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Frosted Window "Pains"

View from Studio Window This Morning
     This year I am focusing on letting go. Mostly letting go of people that I love deeply...ideas of what relationships should be...and what they should not. Trusting in the process and that everything is as it should be is unsettling for me, when some relationships feel so unfinished...like the end of a record, static in my ears, and I cannot lift the arm to start the music and dancing again.
     Here, in the depth of winter, I go within.  I know that the process is not about them, but about my ideas and expectations of what love should be. It is about letting go of my firm grasp of faux control and allowing love to heal. It begins with loving myself more. It begins with believing that I am enough. It begins with forgiving myself...because no one is better than me at demolishing my self worth...
I'm the best self ass-kicker there ever was. Even at nearly 45 years old, I still flagillate myself for things I did 20 years ago that I know need to be put to rest. I am not the same woman I was at 20 or 30 or even 6 months ago. I have the gift of introspection...I am ever evolving. 
     Forgiving myself is much harder for me than forgiving others. Letting go is hard...and I wonder why it comes so easy for others. Trust is hard, but I cannot profess that God has a plan and then question it.
I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle. I am here too. Peeling my own white knuckled fingers off of the edge of certainty. Falling is never easy. But you are not alone in it.
Let's trust. Let's let go together, shall we?
One.....two...........three!

Saturday, October 06, 2012

A Saturday Morning "Hope Note"

     I guess I feel like I have to have something monumental and incredibly spiritual to say in order to come here to write. I was inspired by this post from my dear friend from afar, Sherry, who has the ability to convey the most soothing message in a paragraph or two.
     This Saturday morning, as she prepares for Thanksgiving in Canada, I am here, blogging from bed, noticing the tinge of color on the leaves of a neighboring tree...lucky enough to have a room witha view from this old iron bed.
     The sounds of Saturday morning fill the air...cartoons mixed with something frying in the kitchen...oh and then something glass falling heavily to the floor in the living room...I'm afraid to look....
I'm thinking about the orders to finish, which bills to pay and how I will loose this extra weight...
the cat wants to get in, mewing at the window and my mind fills up like a stopped up sink with the faucet running full on. I am sliding into overwhelm.
     I guess my morning is not as peaceful as Sherry's, but it is mine nonetheless to do with what I choose. Therein lies the beauty of it. This morning is mine...I am free to choose what to focus on. Lack or abundance. Forgiveness or regret. Worry or peace of mind. My weight or the fact that I am still on this earth, alive and reasonably healthy.
Today, I invite you to focus with me, on the abundances. Let the struggles of life and living slip away for a bit. Take a deep breath with me and focus on your breath. As long as you can hear it, there is hope. Some of you this moment are experiencing loss and sadness, despair and regrets; to-do lists without end. This makes it harder, I know.
But there is light somewhere in the darkness, always.
Though it may not be apparent this moment. Know that there is goodness at work in the world and there is light inside of you...inside of others that seem so lost and so dark.
This is my raw, unedited message today.
As I hear the leaves rustle in the Autumn breeze, I know that there is always change coming. Always hope. Always death and then renewal.
     Today my to do list includes posting these lovely earrings in the shop designed in collaboration with my youngest daughter, which in itself is the embodiment of hope; for private reasons I cannot express here. Just know that I never thought I'd see it.
red, ruby, vintage assemblage, assemblage earrings
vintage assemblage earrings, ruby red

Monday, September 03, 2012

Measuring Up

self portrait: late nights at Sacred Cake
 I want so much to measure up...be that amazing blog writer, that spectacular jewelry designer, the amazing mother, the saintly peace keeper.. the word DYNAMIC always comes to mind...and I always seem to fall so short of what I want so much to be.
It is humbling. I reach, reach, reeeeaach...and pull back only a fistful of air...but it is in this fist full of air that I remember that the air is a gift.

A reminder to breathe deeply and remember God's grace...
I am limited. I am human. My body limits my life and my wants and it is frustrating.
I find myself scrambling to matter before I leave this world...to be like the poet's or artists' name that everyone remembers...
but the truth is that if only one of you remembers my kindness...if my children remember the laughter and the generosity long after I've gone, then I have mattered more than the poet that everyone knows; more than the song that everyone can sing. It is in the little things that Grace resides...that memory serves...
The fist full of air is a gift in itself that I must not forget. It means that I have the gift of another day to spread the word about God's grace, in the smallest ways that matter most...the only word that really needs to live on in the hearts and minds of mankind, Grace. Gods promise of eternal life, after this world is not just about being in his presence after we die, but in living our lives to the best of our ability to show to others, the grace he has given us...in words and actions and in forgiveness and in the little kindnesses. That is the way we live on. That is the way we matter. That is the way we become famous. That is the way we are dynamic and amazing.
That is the way we become eternal.

Love and Light to you all today,
Jennifer
IN other news, I have drawn the winners of the Raffle for Jenny Wenworth's Trip to Paint with Misty Mawn! and here they are~
GLENDA, YOU are the winner of the Assemblage Bee Necklace!
SUSAN, YOU are the winner of the Pink Collet!
JOAN, YOU are the winner of the Yellow Collet!
Earring Winners are:
Meghan
Joyce
Sherry
Lisa
Jane
&
Colleen!

THANK YOU ALL!

Sunday, November 06, 2011

I Believe in Love...

Every time I receive a lovely photo from one of "my brides", it reassures me...and always, always melts my heart. As I have said before, weddings give me such hope. Weddings hold such promise...and I believe in love.
When I create a piece of jewelry for a bride, or for anyone for that matter, I infuse each piece with my greatest hopes and love for the wearer. My customers often say they can feel it when they wear it...that means everything to me.
Lovely Ashlee's Wedding

Ashlee's vintage assemblage bridal comb



Glass Garden, vintage assemblage necklace

Glass Garden


In Love, shabby bridal earrings

Ave Maria, vintage assemblage earrings


I have a grandson coming tomorrow, so I'm busy "nesting" here at home. He and Em will be with us for awhile until she can get on her feet. I cannot even describe to you the excitement I feel when I think of seeing his little face for the first time. I find myself gently shaking my head in disbelief, as I write here in the early morning hours, that nine months have flown by already. It has been a rough road for Em, but I know this little fella will help direct her path from here on out. Yup, I have a very good feeling about him...and about her too...
Em

The next time we talk, I'll be a grandmother for the very fist time...magic!
Warmly,
Jennifer

Friday, June 10, 2011

Silent Prayer made Visible, Vintage Assemblage Religious Jewelry

Some of you have been wondering where I've been...I've been making the best that I can of my days, which have been consumed with being a mom to four children and dealing with significant pain issues, nausea, exhaustion and tremendous difficulty getting moving in the morning. Not good for me, who was always quite the morning person...I have suffered with  neuropathic pain for several years now and was diagnosed with Fabry's disease in January of 2010. It's very very rare, but it put a name on the neuropathic pain issues I was dealing with. My condition has deteriorated quite a bit in the last few months, and as of late, I have had  trouble breathing, and a lot of weakness which landed me in the ER last weekend.
And finally another diagnosis: Fibromyalgia. Through my struggle, I have continued to work when I can, determined to continue doing what I love in quiet prayer. No matter how foolish it may sound, I am a strong believer that whatever happens to us has a reason...a divine reason that we cannot comprehend.
I don't consider myself an organized religion type of person, but I believe in Christ and in the existence of God. I experience miracles every day...connections in life that just cannot be happenstance...
I believe in a divine plan...that the people and circumstances in our lives are there to teach, to reveal, to help us learn to love as God loves us.
There is a bible passage that I keep over my work table that reads:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart,
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways, acknowledge him
and he shall direct thy paths.
                 Proverbs 3 5-6

Here are my quiet prayers made real:
"Like Water into Wine"
"Like Water into Wine"
"Dreams of the Sacred Mother"
"the Dogwood Tree"
"Dreams of the Sacred Mother"
"the Dogwood Tree"
These necklaces will be available on etsy soon, along with the stories that inspired them.
I am finding such joy in the little things...finding immense joy in my children and my friends and my dear husband..and I am staying strong through my faith, which has become so much stronger through this illness. I am sending healing thoughts and light to those of you reading this post. You are never far from my thoughts.
I'll be back tomorrow to tell you about someone very special to me,  my dear friend Cindi of Cindi0 on Etsy.
An extraordinary woman dealing with her own illness, who makes beautiful quilts for children with cancer...stay tuned.
Love and Light,
Jennifer Valentine

Monday, May 23, 2011

Unconditonal Love and the Dead Bee Heart

I raised my voice at my 6 year old yesterday. It happens rarely and he is very sensitive....so he writes me a note. I have only gotten two notes so far...so I guess I'm doing ok. I was having a particularly difficult morning and in my frustration to try and get him motivated to get ready for school, I told him he needed to get dressed, NOW. As I went about getting myself together for the day, this note appeared on my dresser, quite matter of factly. Delivered by a frowning and resolute little boy.   

Needless to say, it immediately lifted any frustration or crabbiness from my mind and replaced it with laughter and gratitude. It has been said that our children are our greatest teachers. I believe it.
His frustrated scribbles inside a cut out heart shape said it all. I think it is about unconditional love....like the love we have for our children...like the love that God has for us. No matter how much we "mess up". No matter how many mistakes we make or how often we stray, God will always accept us back into the fold of his heart, dead bees and all.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Beautiful Vintage Assemblage Jewelry and Things, for Just a Song...Oh, and Some Change

I'm taking a little break from blogging...my life is a little troubled, and I guess I don't really want to talk much these days..I just want to work...making my vintage assemblage jewelry is my solace...my escape into shiny and bright and Springtime....it takes me elsewhere.
Sometimes my mind wanders to French markets among the bustle of tourists and the Eiffel tower in sight...sometimes it takes me to Puget Sound, with the light scent of the water in my nostrils and the moist green of the ferns and mossy forests from where I traveled so far to get here....to this small town in Michigan. I have become accustomed to this place and all of its hope and  its hopelessnesses.
Always, though, I think of you...and the things I create for you to wear...for you to feel pretty and loved and sparkly as you go about your days. I am speaking to women tonight because I think I only have one or two male readers.
Each piece I create tells a story. A story of  the history and the resurrection of what was once lost to time...but also, know this;
each piece tells the story of hope and of love for you. Hope and love for myself and for each and every woman and girl who struggles with self worth, with letting go, with the negative voices. For you who struggle with mistakes and regrets and wavering faith...like I am this moment.
I have made, and remade my life over so many times....and now I feel the pull to begin again. To recreate myself. My life. My work....(and once again, organize my work space!)

In any case, I am having quite a sale over at the shop. I have marked most things down as low as I can make them go. It will be closed for about a week or two in May, while I gather myself, find my center again, and make new things...take photos...write stories....make plans. Some of the things you see will not return again...but I will!

Blessings to You and Yours,
Jennifer Valentine

Monday, April 04, 2011

Love, a most favorite poem by a most favorite poet, Billy Collins (and some portraits of Saints)

The boy at the far end of the train car
kept looking behind him
as if he were afraid or expecting someone
St. Teresa

and then she appeared in the glass door
of the forward car and he rose
and opened the door and let her in

and she entered the car carrying
a large black case
in the unmistakable shape of a cello.

She looked like an angel with a high forehead
and somber eyes and her hair
was tied up behind her neck with a black bow.

And because of all that,
he seemed a little awkward
in his happiness to see her,

whereas she was simply there,
perfectly existing as a creature
with a soft face who played the cello.

And the reason I am writing this
on the back of a manila envelope
now that they have left the train together

is to tell you that when she turned
to lift the large, delicate cello
onto the overhead rack,

I saw him looking up at her
and what she was doing
the way the eyes of saints are painted

when they are looking up at God
when he is doing something remarkable,
something that identifies him as God.

St. Catherine by Raphael
St. Agatha by Niccolo de Simone

Sunday, March 06, 2011

A Letter

Dear God,

The brief darkness inside of me has given way to light. It doesn't take long for the light to come....I spend a lot of time within myself, working things through....and praying.
You know that, right? I try not to bother you too much, because I know there are people with much bigger needs, but lately I've been talking to you quite a bit and you help me work things out in ways I know I should. The sadness and the anger gives way and I feel your presence as always. Sometimes it just takes a day or two. Thank you for listening to me.
By the way, I like for you to be a "him". I'm ok with that. I like the idea of a heavenly father, and I don't get hung up on whether you should be a man or a woman. I just find comfort in you....and joy in your creations....I revel in them, really..... How do the tulips know when to rise?  I do enjoy the questions....

Oh, and I was just talking to my husband today about a quote by Einstein


“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”


I think I'll still keep choosing the "everything" option.


Though there were still  patches of snow on the ground today, Jeremy and I went out to soak up the sunshine and do some sidewalk drawing...he chose to draw a rainbow...a sign of hope and promise.
Such sweetness and joy in his inside-out shirt and clunky snow boots...thank you for him. Thank you for all of my children. They have brought me such joy and they have truly been my greatest teachers.


I know that you know sometimes I loose my focus on what is good and what is deserving of thought and thanksgiving and what is deserving of just letting go. There are things I have simply just given up to you. So, I'll just let you handle the big stuff and the hard stuff and the tough questions that I can't answer, and the things that I just don't know what to do with anymore. Because you make life so much lighter. So much simpler. So much easier. So much softer. More joyful. More manageable.
More miracle.
I always come back to you.

Friday, January 07, 2011

Yes, I'm Being Followed by a Moon Shadow

Moon Shadow, unknown date

I dreamed of him again last night. Every now and again he visits and I tell him how much I miss him...how much he meant to me...and I hold him tightly as long as I can before he has to go away from me once more. Even after almost 30 years, the tears well up and spill over my cheeks with the intense missing of him...my step-father, Jerry Roberts. He came to us a funny, gentle and playful angel. He made our mother smile and laugh like we'd never seen her do...he made us all feel safe and loved. He made us feel precious and seen and relevant. We mattered. He loved our mother deeply and he loved us girls like his own.
And then he left us. He didn't want to, but for whatever reason, God took him home. He was killed in a car accident in December of 1983.
We watched the joy leave my mother's face and turn into deep sadness. Our little world, our utopia by the lake, under the boughs of Hickory trees laden with moss...was completely shattered. Only a deep chasm of emptiness and grief remained. My sister and my mother and I were forever changed...forever altered by an unimaginable and unbearable grief.
and Here I sit, almost 42 years old....with the same wounded heart of the 14 year old girl he left behind...
I need to tell you this. It is a part of my story, but it is only a part of the reason why I am writing this now. Sitting here vulnerable. Fighting the tears that blur the computer screen as I type.

He comes to me in dreams every now and again...sometimes picking me up in his truck. Sometimes we talk on the phone. Sometimes we meet at the lake; but this time we met at the track and he let me drive the dragster he named "Moon Shadow". Why, after almost 30 years, did I get to drive it?
I think I know.
He knows how I struggle. I feel his presence around me much more so these days...and I hear the sweet phantom sound of his southern voice. When I worry about not being alive for my children....or when i feel the energy drain from my body and I succumb once again to the blue-plate-special-illness of the month. When I am fearful and a little crabby, I remember his playfulness and his smile and his laughter....how i reveled in his attention and generosity; his dark and kind eyes looking back at me...his gentle voice filling my ears. I adored him beyond reason. He was mine, and our everything. He was a wonderful father to me and my young sister. The only one I ever really knew. He loved us deep and wide.We felt it. We knew.

...and so now, I've gotten to drive the car. I had always yearned to. I would dream of it when we'd go to watch him race at the drag strip....he'd let my sister and I sit in Moon Shadow every now and then just to have the thrill of sitting in it...
I know it sounds silly, but I think the dream, well it was a message from him...and in a way, a message to you and that is why I am spilling open here, wider than ever, to bring you the message.
He knew I needed to finally drive the car. To feel the power as I pressed down the gas and the loudness came and the front end came up off the pavement. I felt empowered. I felt alive and joyful. I knew where I needed to go. I knew what I had to do. I instinctively knew how to drive it and I wasn't alone because he was watching and he was proud.
In the dream I was driving the dragster, yet I could also see myself in it at the same time. He was showing me that I could do it...he was showing me what he saw as I drove.
and what a thrill it was to be driving!

But more so, I think his message was this: no matter how limited our time here on this Earth, love is the only thing that matters. It is the only thing we can truly leave behind.
What we leave behind in the hearts and minds of others is all we have. It is all we can truly give.
He gave me all of the generosity, laughter and love to pass it along. Life is so precious. So mysterious. So filled with beauty and despair and resilience and grace and tragedy. I am learning how to love the questions. I'm learning to love with my best possible love. I understand that I will always be a work in progress. I am learning to be more gentle with myself. I'm learning to find more and more humor in it all. And I've finally gotten to drive Moon Shadow. I know I can leave here any time now, knowing I've planted seeds of laughter and generosity and love. This was his message to me.
He gave that to me.
He gave me that, to give to you.



In Loving Memory of
Jerry Stephen Roberts
November 6th 1949 - December 27th 1983


Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Real Thing

(This necklace is currently for sale in my Etsy shop)
The comments that I received from my last post have at times, left me in awe. Speechless...and those who know me personally know that isn't an easy task. I've always been a talker....and I was always the "loud kid". The "talker".
I just want you to know that you're on my mind every day. Yes, you...those of you reading this now....and those of you who left such kind and heartfelt comments about my last post.
Thank you for taking precious time to read my simple blog. To hear what I have to say. To witness my ramblings and creations and musings and not be scared off by my mention of talking to God. ( And I really do have a big black, no; two big black heavy and working rotary phones in the house!)
I always hesitate about mentioning God like I did in my last post or in my articles, in fear that I will be labeled a "Bible Thumper" or a "Holy Roller" among other things, but the truth is that I am a believer. I have had my doubts and my struggles but I always come back to the mystery of faith.
I have a quote from Proverbs over my table that brings me the greatest peace during times I question my belief and question my life and question my God and it is this:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart,
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him
and he shall direct thy paths."

The line that really stands out to me is
-and lean not unto thine own understanding.

There are some days when this is all I have to hold on to. That everything happens for a reason. That it will all come together and make sense to us eventually.  That it is ok to not have all of the answers....That professing my faith is never going to be a "bad move."

Thank you for sharing your journey with me.
Deepest,
heartfelt,
Thanks.