Friday, January 08, 2010

Death Came Today

I learned of my father's death today and I grieve for what could have been if only.....if only I had tried a little harder to get through the thickness of misunderstanding...
called more
wrote more
begged more
done less
or
done more
and maybe I wouldn't feel such pure anguish
if I hadn't always had that tiny light of
hope that I held
in secret
behind the anger and feelings of
rejection and outrage
keeping it alive
all my life
playing Pollyanna for years
and years
the glad game
in secret
I told myself
someday
someday
you'd come around......
someday
you'd see me
you'd see us
you'd see what you were missing
you'd realize
what I know to be true about the pure joy
of watching your child grow
and the utter sweetness
of hearing their laughter
and the smiles and the
sparkle in their eyes, just for you...........
and though I know in my
reasonable adult mind
that it was never my fault,
the girl in me
simply aches so.........
The little light of hope for you
that I held,
is gone.
Stolen from me in the night
before I knew it was gone
forever.
In your selfishness
you took that from me.
Hey old man,
"by cracky" as you used to say,
you really missed out
on such beauty
such amazement
such abundance
such light........
my God, such light.
It would have been so "good fer ya".