Friday, January 08, 2010

Death Came Today

I learned of my father's death today and I grieve for what could have been if only.....if only I had tried a little harder to get through the thickness of misunderstanding...
called more
wrote more
begged more
done less
done more
and maybe I wouldn't feel such pure anguish
if I hadn't always had that tiny light of
hope that I held
in secret
behind the anger and feelings of
rejection and outrage
keeping it alive
all my life
playing Pollyanna for years
and years
the glad game
in secret
I told myself
you'd come around......
you'd see me
you'd see us
you'd see what you were missing
you'd realize
what I know to be true about the pure joy
of watching your child grow
and the utter sweetness
of hearing their laughter
and the smiles and the
sparkle in their eyes, just for you...........
and though I know in my
reasonable adult mind
that it was never my fault,
the girl in me
simply aches so.........
The little light of hope for you
that I held,
is gone.
Stolen from me in the night
before I knew it was gone
In your selfishness
you took that from me.
Hey old man,
"by cracky" as you used to say,
you really missed out
on such beauty
such amazement
such abundance
such light........
my God, such light.
It would have been so "good fer ya".


  1. Oh Jennifer, let me give you my condolences.
    My dad passed away 2 months ago.
    I know ... well I think I know how you feel today.
    You will see each other again someday, somewhere and all the regrets will be gone, all the pain too
    (Sorry for my bad english I am french.)

  2. My Darling Jennifer ~ My heart aches for you at this time of loss. Your post is so relevant to so many of us out there who are filled with love/anger/regret/loss for what "could have been". Life is so short & so precious ~ yet we keep so much "secret" to ourselves and hidden from others. My wish is for open hearts, open minds & open arms for each of us towards others. Peace & Blessings to you DEAR One. Emily. XOXOXO

  3. In may 2007 my daughter hayley lost her dad james r parish wich i loved also.he almost got to see her 4th birthday they spent alot of days nights together she is going to be 8 soon.she lived with him until someone took his life and took her all happend at night when my little one was at grandmas sleeping.she loved him and never forgets the time and memories with him.dads can be there to protect and he was protecting her.i will never really know why.


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