Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Letter to my Father

Dear Dad,

I put your picture away today. I had it put away while mom was here out of courtesy, but after she left and I put it out again it just wasn't the same.
After watching her sleep and hearing her soft breath next to me...after watching her delightfully play with the kittens and with Jeremy and make chicken parm and cake stands from candle sticks and old plates;
I realized that she is all I ever needed. I'm relieved that you weren't there to help raise me. She has been my mother and my father almost all of my life. A big job for such a small woman, and I've been an "interesting" child to say the least...she did everything she was capable of doing. Loving me the way she loves.
I have spoken to you more since your death than I have my entire life. Sometimes I think one sided conversations with imaginary answers are best. You apologized and told me how sorry you were that things ended up the way they did. You said you were grateful that my mother was my constant, the one I could always look to. You said you knew it was probably best that you weren't involved in my life after all. And I'm alright with that now. The tears don't come any more. Not for you, but for the missing of her.
I'm letting you go today, though I'm certain this won't be my last letter.
I just wanted to let you know.