Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Nine and Fifty Swans and My Bum Pinky

Yesterday I was off to the neuropsycholigist for testing to see what might be the issue with my failing memory and increasing issues with peripheral neuropathy (progressivve nerve damage in hands and feet). I was early and the view of the lake in Paw Paw was so beautiful.~

Seeing the swans gliding on the water made me think of my first ever college class. It was British Literature. I loved it. I would walk through the Bellevue Community College campus near Seattle, Washington and tears would leak from my eyes with the amazement and the gratitude for finally being there in that place. College meant more to me than anything in the world. I was a high school drop out, and 17 years later, the longing to be taught...was finally no longer a longing, but a reality. We studied names I'd never heard before...Yeats, Housman, Wilde....and it was unforgettable.
I wanted to share with you, a favorite poem of mine by William Butler Yeats~

The Wild Swans at Coole

THE TREES are in their autumn beauty,
The woodland paths are dry,
Under the October twilight the water
Mirrors a still sky;
Upon the brimming water among the stones         5
Are nine and fifty swans.
The nineteenth Autumn has come upon me
Since I first made my count;
I saw, before I had well finished,
All suddenly mount  10
And scatter wheeling in great broken rings
Upon their clamorous wings.
I have looked upon those brilliant creatures,
And now my heart is sore.
All’s changed since I, hearing at twilight,  15
The first time on this shore,
The bell-beat of their wings above my head,
Trod with a lighter tread.
Unwearied still, lover by lover,
They paddle in the cold,  20
Companionable streams or climb the air;
Their hearts have not grown old;
Passion or conquest, wander where they will,
Attend upon them still.
But now they drift on the still water  25
Mysterious, beautiful;
Among what rushes will they build,
By what lake’s edge or pool
Delight men’s eyes, when I awake some day
To find they have flown away?  30

I am praying that "they" find out what is wrong with my hands. I try not to fear the worst...which is, that they are going to leave me the same way my feet have. The pinky on my left hand is almost completely numb...I call it "my bum pinky" is frustrating to type with it, but it really hasn't affected the work with my hands, for which I am SO grateful. I keep my focus on abundance. Not lack. Finding gratitude for the little things is so cathartic...and lately, so is much prayer.
self portrait
I'm thinking about my "word" for the upcoming year...I didn't choose one last year, like a lot of people in the blog world did and I felt kind of "nekkid" without it this past year. I think maybe I need more than just one word for the new year...embrace, grace, and self love. 
Lord will someone give me some kind of spackle recipe for my dark circles?


  1. I hope you get some answers, though we know answers always raise more questions. In the meantime, you look beautiful to me!

    Don't settle for just one word; remember Whitman; you contain multitudes.

  2. Sending healing prayers and teams of swan thoughts your way...

  3. Thinking of you and sending love my friend♥ Beautiful words and beautiful don't need spackle;)


  4. Lighting a candle for you today, dear one.
    You are beautiful in your grief, in your fears, in your hopes. You are real... and an inspiration.

  5. You are beautiful! I wish for you the right doctors and help with your physical challenge.


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