Monday, July 26, 2010

Gratitude on "One of Those Days"

Today is one of those days. One that I need to focus more intently on what I refer to as my "Mental Gratitude List". I have days like this. I do. Days when I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. OK, a lot overwhelmed. A little of feeling sorry for myself mixed with feeling like I'm not doing enough. Not being enough. Not a good enough parent, mother, sister, writer, maker, wife, friend....insert various roles. Feeling undeserving of the incredible and lovely words I read from those who take the time to write and to comment. Days where the sweetness doesn't come easily and I have to keep readjusting my focus. Bringing back my awareness to the now.
I have become acutely aware of the preciousness of time. Maybe because it seems to evade me somehow. Like sand through my fingers. It always seems to me that there is not enough of it. (Though there is always enough sand.) There are days that I am angry at my body because I hurt, or am exhausted for no apparent reason and I don't want to sleep. I feel that if I sleep, I'm giving up. I'm missing out. I'm not enough. And I feel like my body has betrayed me.
But I didn't come here to whine or elicit sympathy. I really didn't. I came to share with you some of the things that are on my mind; but most of all, some things that are on "the list" today.
Waking up in the middle of the night with Alice, one of our kittens, curled up next to me. Here she is, asleep in the sun.

The remnants of sunsets that I can see from the back steps of our home. Black outlines of the trees against the open sky. Sometimes the entire sky is pink...and on a moonless night, laying in the back yard beneath the sky with the children and laughing under the stars.

The scent of a freshly cut lemon.

The sound of my children laughing.

and always, him.......
                                             
What's on your list today?